Even More Times When People Are Ass Holes

36. When someone goes across the floor, in a dance class, by themselves, they are an ass hole. Go as a group of three.

37. When someone is in a bad mood and feels the need to drag you down into their pit of despair with them, they are an ass hole.

38. When someone's being a "man hater" and proceeds to hate on a potential man of yours, they are an ass hole.

39. When someone laughs at their own jokes, they are an ass hole.

40. When someone says they are fat just to hear another party to say, ohhh, no you're not!, they are an ass hole.

41. When someone shuts you down before you get to shut them down, they are an ass hole. This is a time when you should feel generally pretty good about the fact that you mutually recognize that your personalities don't mesh; however, you would feel better knowing that the other person knows that you too feel this way. That doesn't make sense.

More Times When People Are Ass Holes

31. When people say "no offense" after something they've just said that was obviously offensive, they are an ass hole. Just because you've said no offense, doesn't cancel out the offensiveness. Just sayin'.

32. When someone puts a flame decal on their car, they are an ass hole.

33. When someone repeatedly enumerates their, "achievements" in order to make themselves sound impressive, they are an ass hole.

34. When someone constantly has something to say in class, they are an ass hole.

35. When a man has not yet grown a pair and doesn't ask you out after your numerous inviting stares, texts, and/or conversations, they are an ass hole.

Times When People Are Ass Holes

Let me just say there are times when even the nicest person can be huge ass holes. I have many friends and loved ones that do this on a regular basis, and it doesn't make me want to end my relationships with them; instead, I just call them an ass hole for the time being and move on. It is quite possible for people to flux in and out of ass hole status on a regular basis. And, that's why I'm making a list of times when people are ass holes. It is comforting to know you can call someone an ass hole (in your head or out loud depending on the degree of ass hole-ism) and know that soon they will emerge from the depths of their being an ass hole and return to "normal person" status. Please, feel free to contact me if you feel that I need to add any instances of ass hole-ism to this list. This will be an ongoing list that I will update every time I have five new instances of ass hole-ism. Think of me as your go-to cataloguer of ass hole-ism from now on.

Ah, and one final side note before I begin: There is a difference between someone who just has instances of ass hole-ism and someone who is permanentely an ass hole. After polling many of my closest comrades, I received many an answer that was cause for long term ass hole status. For this I will create a new entry.

And, we proceed...

1. When someone takes more than two hours to respond to your text message, then they are an ass hole until they respond to your text. There are still lingering sentiments of you feeling that they are an ass hole after they've responded, but after a few prompt messages these feelings will dissipate.

2. When someone buys the same clothing item as you because they really liked, they are an ass hole.

3. When someone plays devil's advocate while you are complaining about something and makes you feel like your complaining is completely unjustified, they are an ass hole.

4. When someone disagrees with you, they are an ass hole, especially if you're already in a bad mood.

5. When someone texts you back, after you've called them, they are an ass hole. (or afraid of the human voice)

6. When someone carries a yoga matt, they are an ass hole.

7. When someone cuts you off in traffic, they are an ass hole.

8. When someone right in front of you intentionally (or unintentionally for that matter) doesn't hold the door open and it closes in your face, they are an ass hole.

9. When you have an exam to study for or any other important event the following day and your roommate is making loud noises of any persuasion, your roommate is an ass hole.

10. When someone cuts into a long line (ie Ben's Chili Bowl at 2am) after you've been waiting a long ass time, they are an ass hole.

11. When you've just told someone a story or made a random statement, and they respond with any of the following sentiments, cool, lol, haha, yeah, o ic, oh, oh okay, or k, they are an ass hole.

12. When someone cancels plans and then you find out it was because they found something better to do, they are an ass hole.

13. When your in the bathroom trying to do your business and someone is checking themselves out in the mirror, they are an ass hole.

14. When someone follows you to the bathroom, after you were the first one to say that you needed to use it, and then has a conversation with you that lasts the whole way into the stall, they are an ass hole that doesn't understand personal boundaries.

15. When someone eats the last of something that you bought and then doesn't replace it, they are an ass hole. (I am often this kind of ass hole)

16. When someone starts their paper way ahead of time and doesn't procrastinate, when you have done exactly the opposite, they are an ass hole.

17. When someone talks to you despite the fact that you have your earbuds in and your sunglasses on while walking down the street, they are an ass hole.

18. When someone can't decide what they want at Starbucks, they are an ass hole. (I can understand that the decision making process may take awhile at other food/beverage establishments, but Starbucks? really, everyone has there three or four main go to drinks depending on their mood. Assess your mood, decide drink, order, ass hole.)

19. When someone gives you the judgmental face after you've said you like "Pop Song A", they are an ass hole. Guilty pleasures, we all haz them.

20. When someone honks at you for no reason, they are an ass hole. The only exeption I will give for this is when you are walking down the street and someone honks at you 'cause you look hot. They may still be an ass hole, however, they've just boosted your ego, so that cancels out them being an ass hole.

21. When someone forgets your birthday, they are an ass hole. For a long time.

22. When someone whispers about you while you are in the room, they are an ass hole. (Exception: an audition)

23. When someone doesn't acknowledge your presence when you walk up to them and a group of friends, they are an ass hole.

24. When someone sees you and doesn't wave or at least give the head nod, they are an ass hole.

25. When someone or a group of someones is on the quiet floor of the library, but is having a loud conversation, they are all ass holes.

26. When someone laughs at their own jokes, they are an ass hole.

27. When a tall ass man stands in front of you while you are marveling at any spectacle, particularly at DisneyWorld, they are an ass hole.

28. When a grown-ass man enjoys and plays video games, they are an ass hole.

29. When someone texts while you are talking to them, they are an ass hole. Either put your phone down or tell me to wait a second.

30. When someone talks louder than you and says something stupid, just so your very valid and intelligent point cannot be heard, they are an ass hole.

I'd like to say thank you to all who contributed to this post by either being an ass hole at one time or another, or by sharing instances of when other people were ass holes to them.

New Acronym: AEC (Awkward Eye Contact)

I'm creating a new acronym: AEC, awkward eye contact. Put yourself in this situation and you too will see why this acronym needs to be adopted into our everyday lingo.

Imagine this: You're sitting in class with your notebook in front of you. There's doodles all over the page as well as the lyrics to your "jam" of the week. Somewhere on the page are the seemingly inconsequential notes that you've taken for the day. You're professor is talking about something that you haven't been paying attention to since the first five minutes of class. You're sitting in a circle formation, so if you look anywhere but at your notebook you'll be looking at one of your class mates. There's a hot blonde dude directly across from you though (if you are of the straight male persuasion and reading this, imagine a biddy instead), and you've been wanting to look at him for awhile. You decide it's time to take a chance and look up at him and his Greek-god like beauty. You look up at him, YES! he's also doodling so you can let your gaze linger. Within a span of approximately five seconds he looks up at you. SHIT. You quickly look to some proximal location to make it seem as though you weren't just staring at him. For just one moment, the two of you were looking directly at one another. And, now, you're sitting there wondering if he actually noticed the AEC or if it was just your imagination. And, if he did notice it, you're wondering if he's over there wondering about why you were staring at him and for how long your stare lasted. Embarrassment sets in and you go back to doodling, or if your me, you write little notes regarding the degree of awkwardness of that little moment. Now, you would think that we would learn from this experience, but no the AEC happens all the time. We can't seem to stop having these moments. Perhaps, we should just give in and actually talk to the person, especially after repeated AEC incidents. You know, make a new friend...

No human contact is way to scary for our generation.

Notes on Cheese

Cheese. That's right, you just read the word cheese. You can't really rave enough about cheese can you? I mean, it truly is delicious. From the creamy texture to the salty twang it leaves on your palate, cheese is probably the best thing to come from a cow besides other baby cows. I generalize too much though. You can't sum up all cheese into one sentence because it comes in so many varieties. You've got your stinky blue cheese, your crumbley fetas, and your sharp cheddars, and that's only a short list, leaving out less popular varieties as the double gloucester (which I might add is delicious on a turkey sandwich). There's a cheese for every tongue. Whatever flavor you prefer, they have a cheese for you! I mean really, have you ever met someone who said, "I hate cheese! It's gross!" I know that I haven't, and if I ever do, I will tell them that they being just plain silly. Saying you don't care for cheese is like saying you like to dance naked in the snow. It's ludicrous! (Not to be confused with the vulgar male rapper) There is no way you could not like cheese when it comes in so many sizes, shapes, colors, and smells. Even that overly processed, sorry excuse for a slice of cheese crap that kraft makes has its own delicious usefulness: Cheeseburgers. Really, there's no such thing as a "nasty" cheese.

Cheese also is so complimentary to other foods. Grilled cheese is a great example. Think about how simplistic a grilled cheese is: two pieces of bread, some butter, and CHEESE. Cheese is the crux of the sandwich too. Without the cheese a grilled cheese would be very hot toast.

CHEESEburgers.

CHEESE and crackers.

What's the second thing they ask you at Subway? Think hard. It's "What kind of CHEESE would you like?" I've never seen anyone say I'll pass on the cheese. They wouldn't because it's delicious.

Cheese is even good for dessert. Ricotta cheese mixtures taste delicious with berries.

CHEESEcake.

I feel bad for lactose intolerant people...just sayin'.

My Choreolab Piece Thus Far

Texting Lingo Part II: The Hidden Meanings of Emoticons

It's that time again, folks. Yes that's right, it is time for me to yammer on about something that really doesn't matter. I promised you all a blog regarding emoticons following my last examination of the nature of the .... Well, here I am to tell you all about exactly what those little faces that get sent to you via text message by your friends, and more importantly by your love interests, really mean.

Let's start with a basic definition of emoticon. An emoticon is a series of punctuation marks that form a face expressing an emotion. In other words, an emoticon can express in punctuation what you could not describe in words. Let's face it, : ) is much more effective than, "I'm happy!"

Now that we know what exactly an emoticon is, let's talk about what they mean. It seems fairly obvious that : ) means I am happy. Perhaps you are writing an email, and you don't want what you are saying to sound quote, "bitchy", so you add in a : ) for good measure. Perhaps you are tired of replying with "lol" to your friends amusing, but menial, texts, so you decide to go with a : ) instead. If you are really fancy, you might even give your smiley man a nose :-). I personally am not a fan of the emoticon with a nose because to me a nose is for blowing and not for emoting, so it is unnecessary in the EMOTicon.

If you are more than just happy, you might replace the parenthesis with a capital D, : D. This face might tell your chum that you are particarly excited about something, like an upcoming event that you will be attending together.

There is of course the converse of the "I'm happy" face and that is the "I'm sad" face. : (. Really what this face says is "I'm downtrodden" especially in the context it is usually used. The sad face is usually used to express disappointment or general unhappiness. For example, "I have to study for my anatomy exam tomorrow : (" says that the studier is quite unwilling to do said studying and that they are unhappy about the fact that they must. If one wanted to express actual sadness through an emoticon they might add an apostrophe, otherwise known as the tear. :'(. This might be used to say you miss someone, but not as a reaction to a death. That would be insensitive. There is no "I'm sorry for your loss" emoticon. This is a case when you may have to use your words.

There are two important faces that I have left out. They may in fact be the most important emoticons of them all for they can be the most telling. First, the notorious ; ), the winking face. Accompanied by the right text message could mean your current man-crush is feeling you. If used wisely, the ; ) could make your beau a little too excited to see you the next day. The winking face says the cheesey, "ya know what I mean" with out the douche-baggery that accompanies a saying like that. For example, "I had fun last night ; )" sounds much better than "I had fun last night, if ya know what I mean". Better to leave more to the imagination with a simple ; ) than sound like a weirdo with that phrase.

The second emoticon is reserved for people who either want to stick their tongue out at someone or perhaps as Trey Songz (full name Tremaine Aldon Neverson) would put it, "I send that little face with the tongue cuz I'm nasty" (See song "Lol :-)" off of the LP Ready) The face Songz is referring to is the : P. The first use of this face as mentioned above is juvenile, but may be necessary at times. I would advice reserving this face for immature arguments, when you're really feeling like an ass hole. The second use is in fact quite nasty as Songz notes. Paired with the right words this emoticon could be suggestive to say the very least. I could give you an example, but, well... ; )

For More Examples See Emoticon Lexicon Courtesy of Jenna Trimboli:

:) happy
:( sad/downtrodden
;) wink wink; i'm feeling/want you
:,) tear
:-) nose!
>:( angry
:0 surprise/shock
:p sticking tongue out
:D excited
:* kiss
:x sick
:-/ perplexed