My Musings

I've been putting a lot of thought into what I'm about to talk about, and while it may seem like a trivial subject, after reading this post, you will find that it is in fact not. You may even find that my most recent musing will shorten your time at the check out counter as well as help you in a very important decision-making process. The topic to which I'm referring is that of candy bar selection. Everyone has been in this situation: It's nearing 8pm, and you've had a fairly normal day. You just finished dinner, and you're sitting down to watch So You Think You Can Dance. To your great disappointment you sit down and turn on the light beside you only to have the bulb emit one last burst of life as it flashes just before it burns out. You sigh, looking at your phone to see the time. It's 7:50pm, and you figure you've got just enough time to run up the road to the nearest pharmacy, such as my personal favorite CVS, while still making it home to see your favorite prime time television. You get to CVS, and everything is going well. You've got your light bulb, and you walk up to the counter calmly, ready to make your purchase. Then, you see it in front of you, all of the candy neatly laid out so that you may choose one to have as a tastey television-watching accompaniment. But what candy should you get? You panic, glancing up at the person in line in front of you; they're sliding their card through the cardreader. You must make your decision with only minutes to spare. The situation is a difficult one my friends, I know because I've been in it one too many times. But, fear not! I have a solution to this problem that will have you picking your candy bar just in time to set your lightbulbs down, reach down for your choice, and lightly toss it on the counter in time for the cashier to scan its yummy little barcode.

The hardest choice comes first, but once you've taken this step you must not look back because it will leave you in the same predicament in which you originally found yourself. You must first decide what kind of filling you are in the mood for. Is nougat a must for you? Or are you more of a peanut butter fan? Perhaps you will opt for no filling at all. In this case, your choice will be simple. You only have to decide between a Hershey's Milk or Dark Chocolate Bar, a chocolate bar of the Cadbury persuasion, or perhaps the Nestle variety. This is a decision you must make for yourself, but I would suggest either Hershey's or Cadbury, simple because Nestle just doesn't compare to these two brands. If your looking for just a little bit more than this, might I suggest the Nestle's Crunch Bar or the Hershey's Milk Chocolate Bar with Almonds?

For most of us our choice will not be so simple. Let's look at some samples in order to illustrate my point.

Let's say you are in a nougat mood. First of all, I'm not sure who would crave nougat because in my opinion it is this weird, ambiguous "stuff" that is used as filling in our favorite candy bars. Can nougat even stand alone? Has anyone ever eaten just solely nougat? Does anyone even know what nougat is? Putting that aside, if you just want pure nougat and chocolate, your choice is both easy and low-fat. The Three Musketeers Bar is of course the appropriate choice. Now, if your craving something with a little more punch you might want to go with the Milky Way, where your nougat will be slathered in caramel. Want a little crunch with your nougat and caramel? Snickers.

More of a peanut butter person? I know, me too! Unfortunately, the peanut butter fans don't have it so easy. I suppose you could just get a Reese's Peanut Cup, but are you willing to sacrifice the satisfaction of consuming a log of chocolate? For the true peanut butter fan the answer would be yes. However, must of us aren't willing to abandon the idea of chomping down on five delicious bites of chocolate covered goodies formed into a bar. Are you in the mood for peanut butter with a crunch? Well then your choice is simple. Butterfinger or 5th Avenue. Personally, I'd go for a Butterfinger. The 5th Avenue isn't that well known. It's one of those candy bars everyone always points at and goes, what's in that? If it's not popular, chances are it might not be as tastey as the more well known variety. If you're interested in a more Snickers meets Peanut Butter Cup variety you might want to go for the Nutrageous or the Take 5. Take caution with the Take 5 though because it's got a lot of shit packed in it, and not everyone can take that kind explosion of flavor in their mouths. Maybe you like peanut butter in its purest form: the peanut. Payday? Baby Ruth? Both of the varieties will do. Payday is a caramel log coated with peanuts (a personal favorite), and a Baby Ruth is a Payday with a chocolate coating.

There are some choices that stand alone, and if you're in the mood for one of these choices than your decision will be most timely. Let's say you had some chili for dinner, and you want something minty to get rid of your spicey breath. York Peppermint Patty. Coconut fan? Almond fan? Easy: Almond Joy. Want to skip the almonds? Monds. English Toffee fan? Okay first, weirdo. Second, Skor or Heath bar. For some reason the Heath bar strikes me as being more of an everyday, average toffee whereas the Skor is a little bit more uppity. Want wafer drenched in chocolate? Kit Kat. (You can even get a giant version if four smaller pieces doesn't float your boat, although this does ruin the whole "break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar") Is a candy bar not enough for you? Are you one of those people that can't decide on just one desert? Well luckily for you, the Twix bar contains not only caramel but cookies too. Nevertheless, I would argue that the main selling point of the Twix bar is that the package contains two bars instead of one.

One category remains and that is the category of M&Ms. Candy covered chocolates that don't melt in your hand but in your mouth. Truth be told, if it's really hot they do melt, and usually you chew on M&M's not suck them. So the slogan is a falsity. Putting this aside, if you are a candy-covered treat fan then you just must deside, do you go with original, the peanut variety, or perhaps you want to go with the newest experimentation of Mars, Inc and try the coconut M&M. I personally go with the Peanut M&M's at all times. There's just something about popping one of the big suckers into your mouth and crunching down, knowing that you are destroying that carefully printed "M".

If you've noticed, I've left out every candy variety that does not include chocolate with the exception of the Payday (because it is a bar and it's delicious). The reason is because things like skittles or Reese's pieces, while delectable to some don't really count as true candy. There's something about them that feels contrived and fake. It's impossible to taste the rainbow! Rainbows fanquish so quickly, and look at how high they are in the sky! You'd never get there in time to actually stick your tongue onto a Rainbow particle. Even if you could, I highly doubt that a rainbow would taste like nasty, flavored sugar. It would probably taste like air. Reese's pieces are somewhat tastey, however, they don't contain chocolate, but it seems as if they do. Fake. Next. Twizzlers are alright...if you want to be constipated! It just seems like a bad idea to put something that is so hard to chew into your body. By the time it gets to your intestines...okay, nevermind. Mentos, gum, and Tic Tacs are for another time and another place. I'm also disregarding all of the varieties of "bars" that Hershey's has put out as a spin off of the Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Don't play with magic Hershey, okay? Your spin offs are nasty and/or forgetable to my taste buds. If your going to make a new candy bar, be original and give it its own name. Don't use the Reese's Peanut Butter cups' fame just to sell your lackluster treat.

Regardless, I hope my latest musings will help you with your delicious, evening treat selection. Please, share your feedback, let me know if I've opened doors for you or if you have any thoughts on my thoughts.